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by White Feather No one can make a person happy except that person. You can express happiness, but you can't force another to be
happy. That is an infringement of free-will. A marriage is a contract between two individuals to experience a time-frame together
but each individual is responsible for their own happiness. When one individual looks to the other for happiness, they will
never find the real deal because the real deal can only be found within. They may still find a lot of good stuff together,
but the real deal is within. When one individual attempts to force their perception of happiness on the other that short-circuits
both individual's ability to find happiness within.
We marry someone because we love them. Of course we want
them to be happy. But it is not our duty to make them happy, because we can't! All we can do is go within ourselves and
find our own true happiness and then exude it and project it out for our partner to see how grand the happiness within can
be. But you can't force a partner, or anyone, to go within. You can only be an example.
If you feel like your
spouse's happiness is your responsibility, then you're going to feel guilty every time they're not happy. Why
would you do that to yourself? You're loading yourself down with sticky gooey tarry guilt for not doing something that
you can't do anyway. And then, the more unhappy he/she is, the more guilt you feel, and then arises the possibility of
you blaming him/her for your guilt. This is keeping you from finding your happiness within. The only way off this emotional
see-saw is to just stop. You've got to get off the seesaw long enough in order to go within.
Happiness is
something that we share with our partner. We share our own happiness with them, but we do not impose that happiness on them
and we do not try to direct their happiness. All we can do is share unconditionally. The very second we expect a certain type
of response or the very second we judge a response that we are getting, we are being conditional, and we're back on that
seesaw. If we are sharing our happiness with our mate and we are EXPECTING ANYTHING AT ALL IN RETURN!, then we are not sharing
unconditionally.
No one can keep you from the birthright that is your happiness within unless you allow them to--and
even then it is still YOU that are keeping yourself from finding the happiness within through your allowance. Just don't
blame him/her. That's just more sticky gooey tar for the mix.
Blame, fear, doubt, sorrow, anger...whew, it
can get pretty sticky and gooey and tarry. But how do we get out of sticky, gooey tar? By releasing all judgment! Expectations
are a judgment. In releasing expectations and other judgments that we hold about our partner, we find a whole new layer of
expectations and judgments we didn't even know we had. We release those and then we find another whole layer of expectations
and judgments. Most marriage partnerships have many, many layers of goo. It can take a while to release all those many layers
of expectations and judgments, but when we do and our partner is still there, then we've got a pretty darn good love bond
with them. And if, after all the releasing of judgment, the partner is no longer there; that is okay, too, because we will
have found our happiness. If we are holding fear and doubt and expectation as to whether or not they will still be there,
then we are just adding more judgment rather than releasing it. And if we are dependent in any way on them for our happiness,
then we will never find it.
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